Nothing Without You (Part 2)

[deawrites]

Jared knew something was wrong the moment he stepped into Dawn Ostroff's office to find her sitting there, face stony. He sunk into the seat opposite her when she gestured vaguely in that direction, wondering what the hell this was about, and waited.

She stared at him for a moment before tossing a magazine at him. A picture of him and Jensen at one of the CW's events was tucked in the corner of the cover, the caption proclaiming boldly, "Stars of The CW closer than brothers? Find out inside."

How the…" The question flickered through Jared's mind as he looked up at Dawn, surprised. She gestured for him to read the article. When he'd finished, Dawn was still staring at him, no, more like glaring at him like it was somehow his fault.

He shrugged, looking confused. "What d'you want me to say? I mean, the article doesn't say anything outright; it's just speculation and…."

"It's not the image I want for the show!" Dawn practically exploded, standing so fast her chair shot back, hitting the bookshelf behind it. "It's not the image I want for you or Jensen or…."

"What d'you want us to do about it?" Jared asked calmly, trying not to overreact himself or do something he'd regret. "Dawn, it's not like Jensen and I…. We're not going to stop being friends. We work together, we like each other, we hang out."

"I want that to stop," Dawn said, calming. "This isn't a request, Jared. I didn't want to put it to Jensen because, well, you're the more experienced with this industry out of the two. Wouldn't want to scare the poor boy." She casually sat back down behind her desk, pulling out a pen and starting to look through some paperwork, dismissive.

Jared sat there dumbly, blinking at her because she could not have just…. "You've got to be kidding me."

"The season's half way through," she said, only half looking up at him. "It'll soon be time to decide what stays and what goes. You really wouldn't want to do anything to put your, and Jensen's now too, I suppose, careers in jeopardy, would you?"

She raised an eyebrow, gave him a smug smile, then went back to work.

There wasn't much to say after that, not that Jared thought Dawn would have listened even if there was, so he left, feeling completely numb.

~

Jensen wasn't sure what happened. He'd gone back to LA as scheduled to find a simple message on his answering machine from Jared, saying that he was sorry he couldn't make their arranged meeting for drinks but something had come up and he'd had to fly ahead to Vancouver and he'd see Jensen there. It could have been Jensen imagination but something sounded off with Jared, even if he couldn't place it.

Three days later, he found the reason for it in the paper.

"Lovers reunited," the headlines of the stars gossip section declared in bold writing. Underneath it was a picture of Jared and a girl, who the caption identified as Sandra McCoy. Jensen felt his heart clench and just knew - God, he knew - he should just stop reading right there. But he was either a masochist or temporarily lost his sanity because he didn't; he just kept reading.

Actress Sandra McCoy, the not-so-former girlfriend of Jared Padalecki has been given a recurring role in the CW's Smallville. The happy couple, who broke up because of differing work commitments, have finally been reunited as the location for Padalecki's hit, Supernatural, is filmed close by.

Jensen swallowed hard, hands clenching on the paper a little as he glanced over to where his bags, packed and ready to head back to Vancouver, lay.

"It's absolutely wonderful," Sandy told us. "We were talking of marriage when he started making a name for himself. We were young, we couldn't deal with the distance, but now that doesn't matter anymore. Jared's missed me, just as I've missed him, and he can finally stop fooling around with his various co-stars, settle back down and just be happy again." The two young stars met during the filming of the thriller, Cry_Wolf and have since…."

This time, Jensen did stop reading. He tossed closed the paper and tossed it aside, dropping back onto his couch, head in hands. God, how could he have been so stupid? How could he think that someone like Jared would be interested in him for anything more than a body to keep away the cold? He was such a fucking idiot. This wasn't some fairytale; normal people like Jensen didn't get everything he wanted.

He just…he didn't understand, though. He hadn't even suspected Jared might be that kind of person. He'd always seemed so honest and genuine - but, well, Jensen had forgotten he was in Hollywood now and Jared was an actor. He'd fallen for it hook, line and sinker.

Jensen reached for his phone and hesitated on Jared's number. Then he dialled pretty much the only other number he knew in LA.

~

Jensen could swear that the whole ninja analogy he'd made about Chris when he'd first met him was actually true. He seriously needed to check to see if the man had spent a few years in Japan without clear records of why he was there and what he was doing because he had to have been attending ninja-courses or something. Or he needed to check for places in LA that magically ninja-dised people.

The phone rang once before Chris picked up and, ten minutes later, he and Steve were standing on Jensen's doorstep with a six-pack and a family-sized pizza. Jensen knew for a fact they lived half an hour away so either his theory wasn't actually so much of a theory or he really didn't ever want to get into a car with Christian Kane behind the wheel.

They were Jared's friends first, he knew, but Jensen had no one else and, maybe, he'd be able to understand it all a little more.

"What's up then?" Chris asked, handing the pizza over to Steve and throwing an arm around Jensen's shoulder. "What's with the emergency-crisis-911-bring-pizza-and-beer call?"

Jensen blinked. "My what?"

"Your - "

"Jensen called and asked us to come over, Chris," Steve pointed out with a grin, shoving the pizza and beer back at Chris. "It was your idea to bring these so go put the beer in the fridge and warm the pizza up."

Chris disappeared as Steve steered Jensen towards the couch, sitting him down. Jensen took a deep breath and opened his mouth to say something when Chris plopped down on his other side, arm going back around Jensen's shoulders again. "Spill."

Jensen nodded and took a deep breath before he explained what had happened quietly, and asked what he wanted to know. "I know he's your friend but I just…I want to know…." He swallowed hard, seemingly stuttering over the words, not able to get them out.

"If he's like that," Steve finished for him. He shook his head, letting out a soft sigh. "No, Jensen. That's not… Jared isn't the sort to… He doesn't mess around. It's not like him."

"He's usually so honest he has to have a douchebag like Chad as his babysitter to make sure he knows the ins and outs of the not-so-sunny side of life," Chris added, frowning.

"It might all be a misunderstanding," Steve said diplomatically. "Wait 'til you go back, talk to him and see, yeah? Let us know too; we're here for you, man. S'gotta be rough and all."

"Meanwhile," Chris declared, coming back from the kitchen (Jensen hadn't even realised he'd gone) with the pizza. "Let's just have a fucking good night, dude. There's a game on tonight that should be pretty damn decent."

~

Going back to filming didn't make anything better. In fact, it went the complete opposite to what the guys had managed to make Jensen believe it would; things got even worse.

Jensen managed to corner Jared (with great difficulty) to ask him what was going on within the first day of the shoot. Jared hadn't picked up the phone on any of the days before and hadn't replied to any of Jensen's messages so it was really the first time Jared couldn't actually avoid him.

Instead, Jared had avoided his eyes and told him that he'd been busy with Sandy, helping her move in and settle down and everything. And that yeah, it was all true. Jared had needed someone there and that someone had been Jensen and…. It sounded, Jensen supposed, convincing enough. He couldn't help but feel like something was off, like it was some bullshit story. He wanted this to be some sort of prank, that Jared would suddenly jump him in his trailer or something and tell him it was all a joke and wasn't it funny? But he knew it wasn't.

It was just his mind trying to comfort itself; his mind full of emotions and feelings and "intuition" and whatever else, trying to stop his heart from breaking. There was nothing "fishy" or off about it at all.

Jared went off to spend time with Sandy every day and was with her every spare moment. Sometimes, when she wasn't filming herself, she would come to set and sit in his chair, play with his phone or listen to his iPod or make jokes with the PAs or playing with Jared's dogs. She was a nice girl, a friendly girl, full of almost as much energy, smiles and sunshine as Jared was. (As Jared had been; he wasn't like that now, wasn't the same - but maybe that was just to Jensen.)

Sandy was like the female equivalent of Jared. She was nothing like Jensen, and Jensen, well, he could see why they were an item. Even if there was a part of him that still wanted to shout "no, it's all wrong," he had to face the facts and see the truth. If they weren't filming, Jared was with Sandy.

If they weren't filming, Jared wouldn't even meet Jensen's eyes.

Sometimes, Jensen swore he saw something in Jared's eyes when Jared was Sam and he was Dean, the only times Jared ever really looked directly at him, but that was probably exactly what had landed Jared with roles like he had, with the life and fame that he had. That was probably what Jensen had fallen for: just really fucking good acting.

A month later, Jensen's rational mind was proved right. Jared and Sandy announced their engagement.

He spent the rest of the day missing his mark, fucking up his lines, ruining all the shots. It was bad enough that even Jared seemed to get pissed off with him and declared that he was going to be late for the celebration and, for fuck's sake, let's pick this up tomorrow. Kim and Eric agreed. They left Jensen in his trailer alone.

It was Dawn - Dawn fucking Ostroff, President of the fucking CW itself - that turned out to be the one to call him much, much later on. She told that she'd heard about the day, told him to get some sleep, get some rest. She reassured him that she didn't think picking up the show, letting him take the lead, was a mistake and that, tomorrow, things would be better. It wasn't what he wanted to hear (and not who he wanted to hear it from) but it was better than nothing. Jensen fell asleep on the couch in his trailer, listening to a playlist Jared made for him (complete with geeky commentary) on his iPod, clutching it to his heart like a lifeline.

~

There were just no words to describe what Jared felt when he laid eyes on Dawn, stepping out of her Mercedes, in her prissy high heels and suit, pushing the shades up into her hair as she greeted Eric, Kim and the others warmly. Jared's fists clenched as she turned and spotted him, giving him a dainty little wave. He wanted to pound the fucking sugary smile off her face.

She gave him another little grin as one of the PAs directed her towards Jensen's trailer and there was no doubting that it was nothing less than a smile of triumph.

"Isn't much filming left, is there?" She asked the girl leading her just as she passed Jared, making sure he heard. "The series has had quite the mixed bag of reactions. It's going to be such a tough call."

Jared gritted his teeth into something resembling a smile. Needless to say, it looked like a cross-breed between a grimace and a growl.

As if the point hadn't been made clear enough, she had to come and stomp all over the open wound.

Jensen still looked miserable; more and more so every day, and fuck if Jared wouldn't have given anything (but it was Jensen's job on the line too, damn it) to put a smile back on his face. But these days, he couldn't even sneak in a few words or a little something; Dawn was never far from Jensen's side and seemed to revel in shooting sharp little smiles in Jared's direction.

~

Having the director of the network following you around most of the day, pretty much every day, asking if he was okay or if he needed anything or if there was anything she could do was weird enough. Having the director of the network asking you out for dinner was even weirder.

Actually, Jensen was pretty sure, that was just plain creepy, but he was so damn lonely that, right now, any company was better than none at all. Especially when Sandy announced loudly, giggling brightly, that it was the anniversary of her and Jared's friendship and, therefore, relationship and he was taking her out to one of the nicest, most romantic places in town to celebrate.

That was how he ended up sitting at a posh table opposite his boss, smiling and nodding politely as she tried to make small talk. He picked at his food absently, making soft sounds of agreement when he needed to. His mind was obviously not paying all that much attention, thinking of long, lazy days and soft, lingering touches.

It wasn't until Dawn's hand squeezed his leg lightly that he realised she'd been calling his name for the last few minutes. "Jensen?"

"Yeah, sorry," Jensen answered, looking up from his cold and squishy steak to meet her eyes. "I'm sorry. Yeah?"

"Are you sure it's okay? You should order something else if it isn't, you know. This place is - "

"No," he answered, shaking his head and interrupting her. "It's fine. Honestly. Thank you but I'm just…I'm really not that hungry."

Dawn seemed to pause, and looked at him long and hard. "You're really unhappy, aren't you?"

Jensen swallowed down the lump in his throat and just smiled back. "No, not at all. I know this is such a great opportunity and to work with…."

"Jared," Dawn finished for him. "Listen, I flew up here because I'd heard about the strain in this…relationship. Since it's affecting the shooting of the show and all, it's one of my responsibilities." She squeezed his knee again. "I don't know what happened between you, Jensen, but the chemistry you two had…the thing that got this series picked up… It's just not there anymore."

Jensen sighed softly before he met her eyes, trying not to show just how much those words were affecting him. It wasn't like he'd expected anything when he'd come to that audition anyway. Physiotherapists just didn't become actors overnight. "I'm sorry. It's… It's my fault. I…I don't think I'm cut out for this whole acting thing."

Professionalism and all that; every job needed it and, apparently, he didn't have it. It was different from professionalism in sports medicine, though. In that, one could just emotionally cut off from the source of the problem. This was very, very different.

Dawn was shaking her head, though, which made Jensen look up, surprised before he was stuttering out an explanation. "It is. It's true, I mean. It's got nothing to do with Jared. He's an amazing actor and…."

Dawn just raised her hand and rubbed lightly at his arm. "Jensen. No. All I can say is that I really don't know how you've slipped past the radar all these years. You're a natural." She paused, chewing on her lip a little before she let out a breath and nodded. "Listen… I can solve this. I can fix this."

Jensen stopped stuttering and looked up at her through his lashes. "What?" What the hell could she do?

"It's obviously not working," she continued, shushing him before he could interrupt her. "This partnership is obviously not working anymore and, well, to be completely honest, the thing that made this show was the chemistry between you boys - and that's just not there anymore."

Jensen dropped his eyes, fighting the urge to scream or do something equally stupid. Like break down completely.

Dawn's fingers tipped his chin up until she could meet his eyes. "I could take the show off the air. Give you your own." Her thumb slid over his jaw a little. "If you wanted it."

Jensen let out a rushed breath, eyes widening. "…what?" He asked breathlessly. She couldn't possibly mean what he thought she meant….

"If you'll let me," Dawn said pointedly. "I'll give you whatever you want."

Jensen backed up so fast the chair screeched loudly against the floor as it slid back. The whole restaurant turned as one, eyes on their table.

"I'm sorry," he stuttered out, swallowing hard and shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I…I have to go." Then he fled out the door, almost tripping over his feet in his haste and confusion.

He didn't see the person rushing past the restaurant until he'd crashed into him, sending them both tumbling onto the pavement in a tangle of limbs. The only thought going through his head when he looked up and saw who he'd ran into was it can't possibly get any worse.

A familiar hazel gaze met his as he found Jared staring at him.

~

"Just because we have to pretend to date doesn't mean that we have to actually - " In retrospect, Jared should have probably been watching where he was going as opposed to shouting over his shoulder at Sandy.

It served him right that he'd ended up on the fucking pavement. He turned, mouth open to offer the other person an apology when - green. The greenest fucking eyes he'd ever seen were staring up at him and he didn't even need to let his vision pan out to know who it was.

He muttered a stunned, "Jensen," as Jensen murmured an equally shocked, "Jared." Jared's lips started curling up into a small smile as he noticed the corners of Jensen's lips tipping up and, fuck, maybe Jensen was actually going to -

Sandy rounded the corner. "Jared Padalecki, get your ass back here. I want to keep my fucking job, thanks - oh. Shit."

Oh shit was damn right because Jared realised it wasn't them Sandy was staring at. Dawn was standing in the doorway of the restaurant, looking close to murderous as she watched them.

"Sandy. Jared. What a pleasant surprise," Dawn said, smiling - but sounding anything but pleased to see them. Jared watched Sandy swallow hard. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Jensen looking between them all, obviously completely confused.

"Dawn," Sandy said breathlessly, letting out a small, nervous laugh. "Wow. Wasn't expecting to see you here. Uh…Jared and I were just…taking an after dinner…walk."

"Is that so." Dawn's voice was icy cold. It wasn't even a question.

This was so not part of the plan. Even if those plans were non-existent ones, this was still not part of it.

Sandy was still looking at Dawn, wide-eyed. Jared let out a slow breath and began to disentangle himself from Jensen. "Yeah… I thought it'd be more…romantic to take a leisurely stroll him." He offered Sandy the warmest smile he could muster, all things considered. "I didn't want to drop her off just yet."

And, clich?d as it sounded, if looks could kill, there would be absolutely nothing left of Jared. Not even particles of fluffy things that floated around and got stuck to people's clothing. Nothing.

Jared pushed himself up onto his feet and offered his hand to Jensen, pulling him up and started to let go. Only to find Jensen clinging onto his hand tightly. "Jared. What's going on?"

Jared's eyes went to Sandy, to Dawn, before he tried to tug his hand away again. "Let go, Jensen."

"No." Jensen's hand tightened. "Please. Please, tell me what's going on."

Jared swallowed hard and, for the first time since the hiatus, met Jensen's eyes. "Come over after…this. If you still want to know. Jen, not here. Not now. Please." His eyes went to Sandy and to Dawn again before he tugged his hand away hard, ignoring the hurt look on Jensen's face (fuck, God, it was fucking awful; he felt fucking awful) to walk over and take Sandy's arm.

He pulled her close to his side and tried to shut off every part of him that told him to stop the fucking charade and just take Jensen home. This…this was his choice too. Jensen had to be able to choose - and making him do it with Dawn standing there, looking for all the world like the Ice Queen of children's novels, was not the right way to do it.

~

Jensen turned up at Jared's doorstep at two o'clock in the morning. He hesitated before he finally raised his hand and knocked - then waited, biting his lip nervously and wondering if he should just go the fuck home now. Before he could, however, the door swung open to reveal Jared, looking worse for wear.

"I know it's late," Jensen stuttered out, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I…I'm sorry. I didn't know if I should come but you said to come after and I didn't know what after meant so I waited until - "

Jared's lips curled up into a small, tired smile. "Jensen. Stop talking and come inside, man."

Jensen snapped his mouth shut with a click before he wandered in to be almost bowled over by Jared's dogs. He greeted them with a small happy smile because, fuck if it wasn't difficult to not smile when met with such enthusiasm.

"They missed you," Jared murmured softly from where he was, eyes fixed on Jensen. Jensen shifted uncomfortably, standing back up straight and looking over at Jared.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" He'd never heard Jared's sigh sound so tired, so resigned - so fucking pessimistic. Jared was - or he used to be - the happiest person Jensen knew. "Jared. Tell me."

Jared nodded, eyes dropping to the beer bottle in his hand as he rested against the back of his sofa. "When I came back from Texas, before you got here, Dawn called me into her office…."

Twenty minutes later and Jensen was torn between choking Jared and kissing him until neither of them could see straight. He settled for punching him instead. "You stupid son-of-a-bitch!"

Jared looked like a deer that had found itself suddenly on some alien spaceship. The headlights analogy just didn't cut it. "I…what?"

"Oh you fucking Hollywood stars and your penchant for the dramatic," Jensen declared, throwing his hands up into the air as he felt his eyes burn with tears and laughter bubbling in his throat. "Months, god, Jared, months of thinking I was nothing more than a fling, a warm body because you were lonely and…and you did it for me?" Jared nodded mutely. "You're a fucking idiot. A stupid fucking, gorgeous, self-sacrificing dumb-ass."

Then Jensen yanked Jared to him and kissed him hard, kissed him until they were both light-headed from lack of oxygen and just plain want.

"You coulda just told me," Jensen panted softly against Jared's lips. "You coulda just told me and I'd have told you to screw the fucking job. You. Me. Us…that's what's important. The fucking show doesn't work without us anyway."

"Oh," Jared said, blinking a little and giving Jensen a sheepish smile. "I never thought of it that way."

Jensen just rolled his eyes and kissed Jared again, hard - and neither of them needed to do any thinking at all. It was just about them. It was about soft apologies and reassurances, light and sure touches, learning and relearning bodies. It was just about the two of them, nothing more - and certainly nothing less.

Them against the world? It didn't seem all that hard anymore.

~

Part 1 | Epilogue